The Power of Words
This spring I was pulling weeds in our garden area to plant this year’s crop. I hadn’t done anything to the area since last fall, yet growing in my garden were morning glory, clover, foxtails, small pecan trees and Bermuda grass. I have trouble getting Bermuda grass to grow in my yard but it grows in my garden without any difficulty.
These plants started because birds, squirrels, and the wind dropped seeds. This area I neglected over the winter is overgrown with unwanted plants. To grow what I want, I have to prepare the ground by pulling the weeds I don't want, plant seeds of what I do want, then continue to pull weeds. It's ongoing.
What do you grow in your garden?
Maybe you live in an apartment, or don't like to dig in the dirt, or don't have time. But no matter what you think, each of us has a garden.
Our garden is our mind, and it's fertile ground ready to accept whatever seeds are planted. The seeds are the ords we hear, read, think, and say to ourselves and others. We are surrounded by words - newspapers, magazines, radio, TV, internet, people. There is power in words to shape our thoughts, our attitudes, and our actions. If we aren’t selective about the words in our lives, our garden will overgrow with weeds.
In the Bible, the power of words starts immediately in Genesis.
- 1:3 GOD said and created light
I figure he did this at the start so he could easily see his other creations.
- 1:6 GOD said and created expanse/sky
- 1:9 GOD said and created land and seas
- 1:11 GOD said and created vegetation
- 1:14 GOD said and created the lights in the sky
- 1:20 GOD said and created sea and air animals
- 1:24 GOD said and created land animals
- 1:26 GOD said and created man
Eight times, GOD spoke words to create something. His last act of creation …?
2:3 GOD blessed and made the 7th day holy. This is the ultimate example of the power of words. The power of words to create.
I can’t use words to create a physical object, but my words your words have power. Our words have the power to create love or hate, laughter or tears, hope or despair, to heal or to injure. I’ve used words for all these.
I started my business almost 12 years ago. I moved from a technical background to sales. The extent of my sales training was reading a few books. I thought I was ready.
To set the scene for you in 1995, we bought our house in January, my wife Debbie quit her job at Chico State in July, and in October I quit my job. Within 10 months we went from being DINKS (double income, no kids) to self-employed without a steady income.
I quickly found that I wasn't prepared for sales and the rejection that's part of the career. My self esteem plummeted; I felt inadequate, fearful, and jealous of those who were happy. Outside our home, most people probably didn’t realize the emotions I felt; around our house was a different story.
I was surly, curt, and generally unpleasant to be around. Deb handled it ok, but it was her mom Ona who woke me up.
Ona lives in Chico, and she comes over to help Deb. Ona's a very happy person, who hums or sings to herself while working. She may also throw in a little dance step every so often as she walks around.
Do you know how annoying it is to be around someone happy when you’re afraid? Who invited a happy person to my pity party?
Since we work from home, Ona made small talk as we passed, such as asking how business was going. I didn't want to tell her that I didn't know if I could make it. I tried to hide it by hurrying off to my office or giving one word answers. I thought I slyly masked my surliness, but I was only fooling myself.
One day Deb asked Ona if she wanted to go out to dinner with us to celebrate something. The three of us would frequently go out to eat together to celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, and other occasions.
Ona’s response, “NO, I don't do that with my other children; it’s not fair to them to go out to dinner with you anymore.”
That didn't make any sense to me; Ona did things for her other daughter’s family that she didn’t do for us.
I realized she didn’t want to be around us because of me.
My words were poison to our relationship with her, and I needed to change.
I began watching my words with Ona. I spoke with a kinder tone in my voice and treated her with the respect she deserved. While it seems simple, that didn't make it easy. I was still fearful, and I occassionally her singing and dancing bugged me. I wasn't really upset with Ona; I was mad at myself.
Awareness, time, and kind words have since healed the relationship. The power of words to destroy or heal relationships.
We first learn the power of words as children with the words we hear from our parents, siblings, teachers. I recently talked with a Johnny, a man in rehab for drug and alcohol addiction. He also spent many years in a gang which were a part of his addictions. Johnny said that as a child he was verbally and physically abused. Johnny grew up with words of anger, words that shaped his future, making him angry.
Johnny heard, “You’re stupid! You’ll never amount to anything, what do you think you’re doing?”
I grew up in a supportive environment, hearing, “You’re a smart kid, what do you want to be when you grow up?” The worst I ever heard was an a joking insult from my brother who called me "Birdy legs" because I was skinny as a kid.
Johnny probably never heard compliments growing up. The words he heard, and he thought to himself shaped his life, just as the words I heard and thought shaped me in a different direction.
The power of words can lead to destruction or success.
As adults, we have three ways to respond to others.
- We can say nothing, or say something one time;
- We can criticize others;
- Or, we can encourage others.
Maybe 1 positive experience out of 3 makes for a good batting average in baseball, but not in our relationships.
First, When we say nothing, people can feel neglected, disconnected, or unloved.
After 30 years of marriage, the woman was ready to throw in the towel. “I’ve had it. You never tell me you love me. It’s been years since I’ve heard you say those words.” In a cool stoic manner, her husband replied, “Look, I told you I loved you when we got married - if I change my mind, I'll let you know.”
Second, it’s easy to criticize or attack others. There are a myriad of reasons to bring out the verbal shotgun and blast away. Maybe you’re hurt.
I recently saw an ad for Orbit™ gum. A man and a woman are in a room and a second woman enters. The second woman begins insulting the man, calling him names. He responds with insults to her. The second woman then insults the first woman, who responds with insults and name calling. The ad ends with the Orbit™ gum spokesperson appearing and giving each person a piece of gum to “clean up your mouth.” Gum alone isn’t enough.
Possibly you’re afraid, like my experience with Ona. Or maybe you have the best of intentions and don’t want to see the other person hurt, or from your experience you feel you should tell them what they should do.
Third, when people are encouraged their confidence is boosted, it gives them energy, and creates a bond with people.
A few years ago, my friend Sue received the Board of Realtors volunteer of the year award, which I read about in the paper. After reading the article, I sent a congratulatory card for her award to acknowledge her volunteer work.
The next time I saw Sue, she gave me a big hug and thanked me for the card. She said I was the only person outside those in real estate that acknowledged her award. She was touched that I took the time and focus off my life for someone else. A few months later when I received an award, one of the few congratulatory cards I received was from Sue. That small act has helped to build our friendship.
Larry Wilson, who wrote the book Play to Win, developed a technique that fits perfectly for the times when you feel the need to tell someone else what they should do.
- Stop before saying anything to listen to what the person is saying.
It’s easy to respond right away, but when we do that have we listened?
- Challenge what you’re going to say.
Ask questions to better understand the person’s thoughts and motivations.
- Choose your words carefully.
Sometimes I find myself blurting out the first thought that comes to mind, which isn't always appropriate to say. Remember you’re dealing with another person and his or her emotions.
Pastor Gaylord Enns talks about the Jesus's new commandment to “love one another”; think, “Do my words display GOD’s love to this person?” It’s so easy to tell someone my opinion, but am I displaying GOD's love for that person.
The power of words to forge strong relationships or break hearts.
The words we use is an example of the thoughts and feelings in our heart. There is power in words to create love or hate, laughter or tears, strong relationships or broken homes.
Our words are the seeds for the gardens in our minds; what seeds are you planting?
If you have any thoughts on this article, I'd be happy to have you share them with me.
Email me at larry@larryducommun.com
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