When I started working for myself, I had the following phone conversation with a potential customer. CUSTOMER:"How soon can I get an order of pens (coffee mugs, calendars, you name the product)?"

Larry: "Standard production time is one to two weeks then a week shipping, so about three weeks."
CUSTOMER: "Okay, thanks. I need them sooner than that." Click, as they hang up the phone before I can ask any follow-up questions.

I was naive about people and figured that they would ask a direct question. HA! I was there to help, so why would someone be not ask me what they wanted to know? After working in customer service for over 15 years, I've learned that when I'm asked a question, I'm only hearing the small part of someone's thinking that they choose to verbalize. The question may seem simple to me, but it is the result of much more thought than I realized and isn't as simple as I initially thought.

It didn't take me long (after experiences like that) to recognize I couldn't answer the question without first asking a few questions of my own to learn more about what the person really wants to know. The question may make perfect sense to the caller/client, but I'm only hearing the part of their thoughts they choose to say. In the instance of my caller, he may have wanted the pens by a specific date that was sooner than my three week answer. By asking a couple questions, I could have found out his needs to know if I could help him (and make a sale) or not.

These situations aren't limited to business. My wife and I have been married over 16 years, and sometimes I think she expects me to be a clairvoyant. Recently we were driving home after seeing friends. When we got close to home, Deb asked me "Why didn't you change lanes when you had the chance? Now you've got someone in the lane we need and you have to speed up to turn." Rather than ask her questions to find out what she really wanted, I began to answer her question and we got into a heated discussion about how to drive. Never question a man's driving! :)

I sensed this was getting out of control, so I started to ask her some questions. The sun was coming into the car on her side; the right hand lane was shaded, and she wanted to be in the shade rather than in the sun! If I'd asked a few questions instead of answering her question, I'd have stopped some hard feelings and words.

Each day, I work to ask direct questions or explain what's happening, so I don't ask indirect questions. That way someone can answer what I want to know and not the question I ask. I'm not always successful at this, but I'm learning. In his book "Little Red Book of Selling" Jeffrey Gitomer devotes a one chapter to asking better questions. Ask a smart question, get a smart answer. Ask a dumb question, get a . . . Gitomer advocates asking better questions, and it's a skill I continue to develop so I may find out what someone really wants to know.