"Don't mind them, it's just how they were raised."  Glory Road

That line struck me as wrong as watched the movie Glory Road about Don Haskins regularly playing seven black players on his Texas Western College (now University of Texas-El Paso) basketball team in the mid-1960's. In the movie, Mrs. Adolph Rupp says that line to Mrs. Haskins during a Final Four NCAA basketball championships reception to explain (excuse) the derogatory comments Mrs. Haskins hears about her husband and his players. When Mrs. Rupp said it, I thought "NO. People can choose their beliefs and excusing them on the way the person is raised is wrong!" While there is validity to her statement, we can change our beliefs but it takes self-examination.

Many, if not most of our beliefs, are formed when we're kids. We pick them up from our parents, peers, observations, experiences . . . then we carry them into our adult lives. When did you last explore your beliefs and wonder "Do my beliefs empower me or do they hold me back? Could my beliefs be wrong?" In the movie (and in our history), some people had the belief that black athletes couldn't lead or be counted upon under pressure. Was this belief right or wrong? Those ideas were (and are) wrong; skin color makes no difference in leadership or reliability. The Texas Western College team won the championship beating the Kentucky Wildcats in a close game because of their leadership and performance when needed.

I've undergone my own self examination in a number of areas. One area is my political views. I grew up in a family of democrats. Family gatherings always included political discussions between my dad, grandfather, uncles, and cousins; however only one point of view was discussed, the democrat version. One of my cousins was a democrat US Congressional representative for the state of Washington and later Governor for the state of Washington. I left home with democrat ideals; however, as I lived on my own, my new experiences caused me to question my beliefs. What I saw and experienced in my life (and society) concerning what worked conflicted with what I believed, gradually my views began to change. The tipping point came when I started my own business. I found my beliefs were vastly different with my upbringing. My new experiences and changing beliefs conflicted with my past beliefs. I had choices to make.

"Cognitive Dissonance" is a term psychologists use to explain problems people experience when their beliefs don't match their identity (who I think I am and what I believe). If I don't resolve my identity with my beliefs, I may begin destructive behavior (drinking, drugs, violence) to avoid the mental/emotional chaos. I either change my beliefs to match my identity, change my identity to match my beliefs, or stay the way I am and deal with the chaos in my life. Whether I change my identity or my beliefs, it feels like I'm rejecting my past and the people associated with it. I (we) don't like being wrong, so change is difficult.

I didn't turn to alcohol or drugs; I became very negative, moody, and mean-spirited. When my mother-in-law told us she didn't want to spend any time with us because of my attitude, that's when I realized I needed to change. My beliefs were different than my parents because my experiences were different. From reading, I realized that I wasn't rejecting my past or parents by developing my own beliefs; their beliefs were based on their experiences. I realized that I didn't like who I was, needed to change and took action. Once my beliefs and identity were aligned, my attitude changed.

When I mentioned to my wife why I felt the line in the movie was wrong, she pointed out that not everyone knows how to change which limits choices. Deb's friend Barbara was raised to spend money as soon as she received it, so she never created a budget or put money into a savings account. Her parent's belief (and now her belief) involve spending money now because she don't know when she'll have it. Barbara is on a fixed income, and she's having a hard time coping with undexpected bills because she has no extra money. Her beliefs about money are causing problems in her life. Deb has shown her choices, and Barbara is learning but it's hard for her to change 60+ years of monetary beliefs.

Do your beliefs empower you or hold you back? Are you experiencing conflict in your life and want to change but don't know where to start? Have you taken the time to examine your beliefs? Change begins when you truthfully compare your beliefs, your actions, and what you want to accomplish. Be willing to ask people for help, especially someone who has the belief/quality you want. In essence find a mentor. In Glory Road the Texas Western basketball team caused people to question their beliefs about black basketball players against the truth of the situation and eventually changes began to happen. Question yourself!